I'm So Tired of Being Here
by Melissa Norvell
Summary: ONE SHOT. SakuKaka. The worst possible scenario has taken place, leaving Kakashi with a decision that his father had made long ago. Can Sakura show him, that even though he’s failed Konoha, he hasn’t failed her?


**A/N:** **Here's another one shot, even though I didn't want to write anymore after someone accused me of plagiarizing a fanfic that I didn't plagiarize at all. But** **oh well, I don't care anymore.**

**This is a** **idea that I thought of as a worst possible scenario for Kakashi to repeat Sakumo's mistake in the past and how he would be effected it were to happen.**

**Info. Junk**

**Title:** **I'm So Tired of Being Here**

**Author:** **Melissa Norvell**

**Rating:** **PG-13**

**Genre:** **Angst/Romance/Drama**

**Type:** **ONE SHOT.**

**Couples:** **Sakura X Kakashi**

**WARNINGS: Suicidal Kakashi Warning.** **ANGST. If you don't feel comfortable with the discussion of suicide, please go away. This fanfic is not for the light of heart.**

**Summary: ONE SHOT. SakuKaka. The worst possible scenario has taken place, leaving Kakashi with a decision that his father had made long ago. Can Sakura show him, that even though he's failed Konoha, he hasn't failed her?**

Failure.

It was something that he had to live with as a child through the eyes of his father, Sakumo. He had committed suicide when he had failed the village, and Kakashi was doomed to repeat the same mistake it seemed.

While on one of the higher ranked missions, nothing went as planned and Konoha lost a lot of men in the process. Kakashi had damned himself for taking on such a task He had gotten bad from other ninja and he didn't report back to the Hokage. He didn't feel as if the Hokage should see the face of the son of the Legendary White Fang, and disgrace of Konoha.

There was only one option left for the Copy Nin…

**XI.**

Warm.

The weather was warm that day and bright. The sun produced more light then usual, the light which assaulted his lone eye. It was something that Kakashi had learned to hate. He now thrived on darkness and hated to come out in the light, but he now had a purpose.

He stood in a massive lake, with the water up to his knees, swirling around in a metronome, trying to soothe his aching soul. But now a days nothing could comfort the fact that he had cost such a substantial amount of life. He pulled out a kunai knife, watching the blade shine against the bright sun, reflecting a sheen that was picked up by his lone, sad eye.

Down below the shiny blade, contrasting it with dull color, the coloration was a murky blue. It was bluer then the heavens, more blue then Naruto's eyes, more blue then his own eye. As he looked down into the depths, so deep that he couldn't see the bottom he still managed to see someone…His father? Or was it himself who was reflected into the depths.

The figure stared back at him from the glassy liquid.

He couldn't stand it.

That man.

Why wouldn't he go away?

Why wouldn't he answer when Kakashi called out to him?

A sandaled foot struck the figure, distorting the facial features of the image. Kakashi had wondered if he was the cause of such a distortion. After all, it had been within his soul that the true distortions lie. He looked at his foot, which had been brought out of the water.

His legs were wet. What was wet anyway? It was barely a sense to him anymore. It had grown numb over the course of weeks. Feelings had indeed changed over that short amount of time, though to Kakashi, it seemed like a very long amount of time.

His lone eye looked back to the water, seeming entranced by it, but he stayed there, letting a few cherry blossoms float about his legs. He's always there…Always…Was he who she saw when she looked at him? Was it his father that reflected in her eyes?

Eyes so green…

So green and reflective…

He wished that her image would go away. He wanted nothing more then for it to dissolve. Get out of his life.

But he wanted him to disappear into the watery depths.

So deep and blue.

He now had the kunai knife held to his chest, ready to take the plunge.

Wet didn't exist.

Neither did death.

Or cold.

He felt cold, but he had just been imagining it. He could see a red spray in the air, and he could breathe no more. He kept his eyes shut. His mind was clouded, or was it this figure's? Perhaps it was his mind that was so foggy.

His senses ran numb, but he could still feel it.

Cold

Wet

Cold

Wet

…

And Death…

**XI.**

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura called out, while she walked along the water's edge. "Kakashi-sensei, where are you?"

The young girl sighed. She had been walking for a long time, looking for Kakashi. She knew that she shouldn't have let him out of her sights for two seconds, especially in his state of mind. He had really gone downhill and she couldn't bear to see him in such pain. Sakura had tried for so long to keep his spirits up and it seemed liked things were working for a while, or maybe he was just kidding her…She'd liked to have thought that those sad smiles were some sort of hope, but she didn't know if she could trust them at times. He seemed a little crazy and schizophrenic.

_I wonder where he went so_ _early._ _I was going to make him some lunch to help him feel better.'_ She thought to herself.

As she neared a certain part of the shore, she could sense that something was definitely not right about that area of the lake. _Where is he?'_ Her thoughts ran frantically.

"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura cried, desperation running through her voice as it flowed through the air.

She ran up to the water's edge, where she found that a kunai knife had floated up to the shore. The girl picked it up, holding it to her chest as she looked out across the water. There was no hint of her former sensei.

She waded out into the water, where something metallic clanked against her calf. Looking down, she picked it up. It was a hitai-ate with some blood stains on it. Panic and fear rushed through her being. "No…He couldn't have…"

Green orbs scanned the area. There was no hint of Kakashi, other then the two articles found by Sakura. He couldn't be swimming either…The only other option in his state would be…

"No…Kakashi-sensei…" Her voice squeaked as she looked down into the depths, she searched, looking, hoping, and praying to find something-anything that would lead to a body. Her lungs were suffocating, and her brain was telling her to search below. But she didn't want to. She needed him there.

A spot of blood. A ripple of crimson, she saw it out of the corner of her eye, and as she turned back, she saw that it was him. He was slipping slower and slower into the watery depths. His skin was as pale as his hair, and he was bleeding from the chest region. He made no movements. Making a wild and desperate grab, Sakura caught his pale, cold arm and pulled him to the surface. Gasping, Sakura looked over at her sensei. His head flopped back and fourth and his pale skin had a blue tint to it. Swimming faster, driven by adrenaline alone, the girl brought him to shore. Sakura didn't even bother to breathe before turning her attention to her teacher.

She had to save him! He needed her!

…But what could she do?

Desperately she shook Kakashi, trying to jar his senses, but it failed. She felt so defenseless and weak. The girl couldn't help him as she used to. She had figured that he just snapped and killed himself with the kunai knife. Crystalline tears ran down her cheeks.

_Oh Kakashi-sensei…'_ Was all she could think at the moment, looking down at the man. A couple of tears managed to fall from Sakura's eyes, right into the deep chest wound. The girl swiftly turned away, her pink pair slapping her in the face with the fast movement. She didn't want to be reminded of her failure.

It seemed that she could never do anything for anyone correctly, even if she was the only person that cared about them.

_Where am I?'_ Kakashi thought as he stirred.

He could feel a warmth over his heart and it was washing over him, like an enigma. It felt like-love. But what had happened? He sat up slowly and began hacking up water from his lungs.

Sakura paused completely. All function had stopped as she looked over her shoulder at Kakashi. He was…alive?

"Kakashi-sensei…" She whispered as the remaining tears fell from her eyes. Sakura attempted to wipe them away, but they still came. "Kakashi-sensei!" She cried out happily, throwing her arms around him and pulling him into a big bear hug. Kakashi stopped coughing as Sakura held him protectively.

"Sa-Sakura…" He said quietly. "I'm alive?" The jounin replied blankly. Sakura pulled away from him suddenly, and glared at him.

"What were you doing, scaring me half to death!"

Kakashi blinked idly at her.

"I-I almost lost you…" Her voice was laced in fear as she ran a hand gently across his cheek, caressing it tenderly.

"I'm sorry…" His voice was quiet and sorrowful. "But would it have really been me that you lost, or would it have been my father?"

"What do you mean?" Sakura looked confused. Sure, she had heard stories of the infamous White Fang, but she didn't know where this was headed. Could it have had something to do with the recent course of events?

"Would you really miss me? Or would you miss the failure son of White Fang, who was destined to have the same fate as his father…"

The pink haired girl looked a bit hurt. "Of course I'd miss you. Why would you think I wouldn't? I've stuck by your side this whole time."

"But…I let everyone down." He replied as he turned his head away in shame.

"You never failed me." Her voice was strong, and it made him turn his face back towards her. She looked very serious, green orbs shining with determination. She squeezed Kakashi's hand. "You see this hand. It isn't White Fang's, it's yours. His hands went with him to the afterlife. You're not your father, Kakashi-sensei. You can get through this, even if you have to become a Missing Ninja. I believe in you, and I'll stand by you no matter what. I'd miss you if you died."

She looked into his mismatched eyes. "These eyes don't belong to White Fang, they are yours, Kakashi-sensei. Your hair is different too. Yours not his." She ran a hand through his hair. "And you have your own feelings and personality. I bet you two were completely different people." She smiled at him. "I miss you, Kakashi-sensei…every day. So don't go scaring people like that again! You're such an extremist! Don't go killing yourself! If you want to talk, just talk already! Jeez! You about gave me a heart attack with that kind of recklessness! It's a good thing that you missed your heart with that kunai knife, but we'd better get it check out anyway."

"I won't…"

"You better not, or I'll kill you myself next time!" Sakura yelled, but then her features softened as she kissed him gently. "It's you I love, silly."

_So that's who was in the water…'_ Kakashi thought to himself, finally solving his conundrum. _It was me…That's who was reflected…I don't feel cold anymore. I don't feel death. I feel warm and dry…with love.'_

**THE END**

**A/N: I can't believe I did another one shot, even though I was angry because I had to take my last one down. Oh well, I'm beginning not to care anymore. Enjoy this, it was something I thought of earlier today.**

**It's a prophecy type thing I suppose. shrugs I hope it's in character. I've never written a suicidal Kakashi before. Please leave me a review and tell me what you think.**


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